There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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