A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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