I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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