Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
