I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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