Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
