Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
