the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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