i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
