so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
