So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
