Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
do herpes really smell.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
