The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize