I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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