he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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