$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
