I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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