god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
