Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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