Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
