help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
