how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He did a backflip because drugs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
