her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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