I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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