People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
