i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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