Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize