I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
