If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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