We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
