You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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