I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
