i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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