Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
