Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize