I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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