i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
jump out the window naked night went bad
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