well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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