Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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