Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
