You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
