My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
