so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
