I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
