i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
