I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize