Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When did angry sex become our thing?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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