He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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