was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
