I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Then you guys just all showered together...?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
