So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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