I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I want to be your penis for a week.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize