i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am naked and annoyed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
