She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
