Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
