Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
