i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
