I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize