at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
