my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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