Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
