I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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