He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
