I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
