I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
