why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
