I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
